Trade Mistakes
by TheAwesomeGilbo
Summary: Prolouge to Born to die, die to live. Natalya's point of view. Natalya was just scraping by with her brother, Ivan, and her sister, Katyusha. But what will happen when things shoot for the worst? Profanity, LietBel, character death, AU, human names. **DISCONTINUED**
1. Chapter 1

**This is for Anya Dreamer L who requested a prolouge focusing on Belarus's previous life. The title is the name of a Panic! At the Disco song. Enjoy~**

Trade Mistakes 1

Natalya sat on a beaten up old couch in the apartment her sister, Katyusha, her brother, Ivan, and she all shared. She was currently waiting for Kat to come home from her night classes so they could make dinner. Ivan walked in right at that moment.

"Hello Natalya," Ivan said smiling.

"Brother," Natalya nodded as her brother walked past. Her blue/violet eyes followed her brother until he went into his room.

"Natalya?" Ivan's voice came from the room.

"Yes brother?"

"Where is my scarf?"

"On the clothesline outside," Natalya responded.

"Why?"

"I cleaned it while you slept so it's fresh," Natalya replied, fixing the silver bow that sat in her platinum hair.

"Oh, Спасибо [1]," Ivan said.

"I think it's probably dried now, if you want to get it."

"Alright." Ivan walked to the rickety screen door that leads to the back porch. Natalya sighed and brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. She stood up off the couch and she brushed of her navy dress. It was her favorite one. The three of them didn't have much money to spare. Katyusha was the only one who went to school. She went to a trade school with agriculture. She was always a good farmer. They grew a lot of the food they ate. But since it was December, nothing grew. It was, actually, almost Christmas. Christmas was always the worst time of the year, in Natalya's opinion. Christmas was like any other day except the three of them sat around in total silence. None of them could afford a gift for anyone else. They could barely afford decent clothes. Kat usually wore overalls and a button up shirt. She only had one pair of overalls, littered with different colored patches, two blouses, and one black skirt she and Natalya shared. Ivan had a pair of dark green pants, a pair of tan pants, and a white shirt, along with the white scarf he always wore. Natalya remembered when Ivan got that scarf. Kat had given it to him because he was cold. He was the only one with a scarf. No one objected to it, though. Then there was Natalya. She had a navy dress and a white apron that was tied over it with a striped bow. Then she had a navy skirt, a pair of grey stockings, an off white button up shirt and a pair of black gloves. The three siblings all had one coat for each of them. Kat's was a thin brown overcoat, Ivan's was a pale brown trench coat, and Natalya's was a black coat with large black buttons. Then each of them had their own pair of boots. Kat's were a dull black and came up to just above her ankles. Ivan's boots looked similar except his came up to just below his knees. Natalya's were black lace-up boots that came up to the middle of her shins. That was their winter, fall, spring, and summer wardrobe. Just as Natalya was thinking of all this, Kat walked in the door.

"Hi Nat, where's Ivan?" she asked locking the door behind her.

"He went to get his scarf off the clothesline," Natalya informed as her sister shook snow out of her short, silvery hair.

"Well I guess we should see what we have to eat for supper," Kat said, taking off her thin overcoat.

"Alright," Natalya said getting up.

_Maybe we'll actually have some food tonight_, Natalya thought bitterly. She hated living in poverty. They were all dirt poor and trapped there. Kat worked two jobs, Ivan worked one and Natalya worked one and they still could barely make ends meet. Natalya entered the broken kitchen and looked around. The floor was grey wood, worn from the continuous scuffing of boots and the cabinets were spattered with chipping dark green paint. The stove was old and only worked if you lit it with a match. The sink was old and had rings around the inside. In the middle of the kitchen, there was an oak table that they ate at. Mismatched chairs stood around it, all contributing to the 'rock bottom' look of the house. Natalya walked over to the cabinet to the far left and opened it. Disappointment struck her as she found it's only contents were a loaf of bread and a single can of tomato soup.

"Anything good?" Ivan asked walking through the crooked screen door.

"No, just some bread and a can of goddamn soup," Natalya sighed.

"Oh well. We'll have to share then, да?" Ivan said.

"I guess," Natalya glared a look of hatred at the soup.

'We never have any variety! Being poor is so shitty!'

She lit a match and carefully tossed it on the stove. The stove flare up for a moment before holding a weak flame. Natalya took out a knife and a pot. She stabbed the can through the top with the butcher's knife she had grabbed. When she withdrew it, red tomato soup clung to the blade like scarlet blood. She poured the contents of the can in the pot and put it over the flame.

"What did you find?" Kat asked walking in.

"Tomato fucking soup and a fucking loaf of bread."

"Why are you so angry?" Kat asked her sister.

"Because I hate living like this! We can't afford to fix this place, a decent meal or even more than two outfits!" Natalya's pale face flushed pink as she yelled. Her blue-violet eyes burned into her sister's blue eyes.

"You know we can't get out of this, Nat and we have to make the best of it," Kat said sternly.

"Yeah I know," Natalya said shifting her gaze to her dull combat boots.

"The soup's boiling," Ivan pointed out.

"Then let's eat," Kat said. And the three sat around the scratched up, old table and ate their soup and bread.

[1] Спасибо –Russian "Thank you"


	2. Chapter 2

**Diclaimer: I don't own hetalia or the title. That is a song by Panic! At the Disco**

Trade Mistakes 2

Natalya sat in her room with Ivan. It was 7:34pm. Kat should have been home almost half an hour ago.

"Where do you think Kat is, Ivan?" Natalya asked turning her head to her brother. Ivan's violet eyes shone with worry.

"I'm sure the subway was just late, да?" Ivan's voice was assuring, but Natalya could tell he was just as worried as she was. An hour past. Then two.

"Where's Kat?" Natalya asked. She knew Ivan didn't know the answer. So why did she ask?

"I don't know, but I'm going to find out," Ivan said standing up.

"Where are you going?"

"To find Kat," Ivan said grabbing his coat.

"Then I'm coming too," Natalya said snatching up her own coat.

"No. You're going to stay here," Ivan refused.

"But I want to help," Natalya complained.

"Alright. Hold on." Ivan ran into his room and brought back a shiny metal pipe and a sharpened butcher's knife.

"You take the knife and I'll take the pipe," he said handing his sister the glinting knife.

"Why?"

"In case we cross paths with someone we don't want to see," Ivan explained.

"Okay. Let's go."

Ivan and Natalya walked in the dark, desperately shouting for their older sister.

"KAT!" Natalya felt the freezing wind whip across her face. Her silvery hair flew around her face in the cold.

"KAT!" Her bow, almost flying from her hair. She clutched the knife in her right hand, and Ivan's hand in her left. The darkness consumed both of them as they walked on.

"KAT?" She could barely see Ivan standing next to her. The two pressed on through the cold and wind.

"KATYUSHA!" Natalya's tears stung her pale face, tinted pink from the cold. A snapping noise from her right made Natalya jump closer to Ivan. Ivan petted his sister's head and stepped in front to investigate. He let go of Natalya's hand and gripped the half frozen pipe in his hands as he approached a dumpster on the side of the road. Snow crunched beneath his feet. Natalya stood watching her brother disappear into the darkness. She heard Ivan gasp and she quickly ran to see where he was. Natalya crashed into her brother, who was walking away from the other side of the dumpster.

"What?" Natalya asked. Tears fell from Ivan's violet eyes and dripped silently onto the fresh snow.

"I found Kat," he said simply. Snow started falling from the dark clouds overhead.

"Kat? Is she..."

"Natalya," Ivan started but his sister ran to see Kat for herself.

"No..." Natalya promptly felt sick at what she saw. Katyusha's body bled slowly into the white snow. Her coat was gone and her clothes torn. Blood seeped out of the multiple stab wounds covering her stomach and chest. A deep laceration stretched across her exposed neck. A single bullet wound was bleeding in the center of her pale forehead. The scarlet liquid was spattered against the brick wall behind her. Her silvery hair matted down with her blood. But her eyes... Her eyes were missing. Two empty bloody eye sockets stared at Natalya. Natalya looked down and saw something clutched in each of Kat's hands. She opened her sister's messy hands to find each of Kat's eyes in a hand. Natalya couldn't take anymore. She ran a few feet and threw up her empty stomach. Kat's blood stained her hands. She threw up again. Kat's eyes laid next to her punctured body. Natalya threw up again. The bile continued to rise in her throat and stain the snow in front of her. She felt Ivan's hand lightly touch her back. She threw up again. This time, blood was mixed in.

"Calm down, Natalya," Ivan said, holding her left shoulder.

"Katyusha," she said shakily.

"Shh, I know, I know," Ivan comforted. But Natalya heard the fear and pain in Ivan's voice. She knew he was just trying to stay strong for her. Natalya wiped her mouth with the sleeve of her coat.

"Natalya, stop holding the knife like that, you're cutting your hand," Ivan pointed out.

"Oh." Natalya didn't notice the knife blade slicing her hand. She felt numb all over.

"Don't worry," Ivan said, "The police and an ambulance are coming."

She didn't hear the sirens of the police cars and the ambulance. She barely recognized a woman asking her if she needed help.

"She just cut her hand on a knife. Can you help her?" Ivan asked the woman.

"Of course," the woman responded. She had dark brown hair pulled up into a bun on top of her head. Her green eyes shone with kindness toward Natalya. Natalya was lead towards an ambulance where the woman wrapped gauze around her bleeding hand. Kat's blood was washed from her hands. Her tears were still stuck to her face though. The woman handed her a tissue, but Natalya didn't use it. Ivan came up to his younger sister and wiped her tears for her with his hand. Natalya just wished they could go home and have Katyusha standing there, scolding them for being out so late. She felt like she was going to be sick again. She turned to Ivan. He was staring at the gurney with the black tarp over a figure. Kat's figure. Natalya could see one of Kat's arms poking out from under the tarp. She saw the small gold ring on her sister's middle finger. Natalya got up and walked over towards her sister. She removed the ring from Kat's finger and slipped it into her pocket. Ivan was talking to a police officer, who was notably shorter than Ivan. Ivan went up to Natalya after the policeman had left.

"I think it's time we go home, да?" Ivan took one of Natalya's hands in his own and put his arm around her thin shoulders. The two walked home in silence. Natalya struggled to walk home without passing out. She stumbled on the sidewalks, leaning heavily on Ivan, who was trying to lead them both home in the snow. Natalya felt a terrible headache coming on.

"Ivan?" she asked timidly.

"Hmm?"

"What are we going to do? How are we going to afford food and a home?"

"Hmm? Oh we'll manage," Ivan answered. He obviously did not want to talk about the subject. Natalya saw the apartment building where Ivan and she lived. The siblings entered their apartment but didn't bother taking off their coats. They were too depressed to care and the apartment wasn't any warmer than the winds outside. Natalya sat down on the couch and rubbed her eyes with her palms. Ivan told her to get some rest. Natalya walked into her room and pulled Katyusha's ring from her pocket. She didn't bother changing. Natalya just laid down on her bed. She didn't bother pulling the thin blankets over herself. She just cried to herself. The young woman opened her watery eyes and saw Ivan sitting on the couch. His head was buried in his gloved hands. When he picked up his head, Natalya saw the red, puffiness surrounding his own teary eyes. Natalya cried herself to sleep that night. Kat was gone and even Ivan was crying. Ivan never cried. They weren't getting out of this anytime soon.

**Please R&R ;) **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Panic! At the Disco :(**

_Ivan's POV_

Ivan sat on couch, crying.

_How could something like this happen?_ he thought. He couldn't believe this. Kat. His older sister. Dead. Murdered. On her way home from class. Ivan's sadness turned into anger. He walked outside into the cold and wind. Snow still fell from the sky. He gripped his pipe in his hands. He swung the metal pipe against the side of the brick house. The ringing sound wasn't near satisfactory. Ivan let his pipe fall into the snow on the ground. He punched the wall. Dull pain shot through his hand. He punched again. Again, pain. He kept punching the wall as tears streaked down his face. His punches got stronger and faster, and then weaker and slower. Ivan turned his back on the wall and sat in the snow. The flakes fell in the dark and clung to his silver hair. Salty tears froze to his face. His breathing was shaky. Ivan took of his black gloves, revealing his bleeding hands. The crimson blood fell soundlessly into the pure white snow. As time passed, the bleeding stopped and the temperature dropped. Ivan felt his eyelids growing heavy. He got up and walked inside. He noticed his hands had dried blood caked on them. He got up and walked off to the bathroom. Ivan scrubbed the browning substance off his knuckles and wrapped his hands in clean white bandages. When he left the bathroom, he noticed Natalya's door was cracked open. He walked in and saw Natalya asleep, clutching their sister's ring. Ivan pulled the threadbare blankets over his sister's body so she wouldn't freeze overnight. Natalya mumbled something incoherent and rolled over. Ivan sighed and sat down on Natalya's bed. The springs squeaked under his weight but Natalya didn't move. Ivan reached out a bandaged hand and lightly stroked Natalya's hair. He had lost one sister and he was not about to lose the other. Ivan slowly got up and walked to his own room. He took off his coat and threw it on a chair in the corner. He took off his scarf and placed it carefully on his bed. He pulled off his shirt and boots and sat down on his bed. He cradled the white scarf in his hands.

_I remember when Kat gave this to me_ he thought. He smiled as he remembered Kat. She always cared about them. Ivan pulled his legs up on the bed. He sat with his legs curled up against his bare chest. The scarf was clutched in his hands. He looked at the clock that sat on a box that served as a makeshift nightstand. It read 2:48am. Ivan knew he had to sleep, but he just couldn't. He felt like he was trapped. He had so much worry, fear, pain, and anger but no one to tell. He was never close to anyone but Kat and Natalya. He couldn't tell Kat for obvious reasons and he couldn't bear to tell Natalya. He would just have to suck it up and not start any ridiculously expensive habits like drinking or drugs.

_Though a bottle of vodka wouldn't taste bad right now_ Ivan thought to himself. He stretched his legs out and brought the scarf to his face. It smelt of iron.

_Great_ he thought _The one innocent thing I have left smells like blood. Fan-fucking-tastic._ Ivan felt hot tears sting his eyes again. He blinked them away and looked at the clock again. 3:12Am. Ivan sat up and walked out of his room. He walked onto the back porch. He sat on the steps. Snow fell from the dark gray sky. It stuck to his hair and melted on contact with his bare skin. Ivan saw his pipe half covered in snow on the ground. He walked over to get it, snow seeping through his socks. He picked up the freezing piece of metal. He threw it on the porch as he sat back down on the steps. He felt the wind and the cold whip him, but he really didn't feel like going back inside. He looked at the thermometer that hung on the porch. It read 27 degrees Fahrenheit. Snow continued to fall softly. Ivan stared at it. So pure and white. Almost as white as his scarf. He looked up at the sky but he couldn't see any stars. Even the moon hid behind the gloom of the clouds. It seemed the whole world was moping and Ivan didn't care. He just wanted Kat back. As if their life wasn't bad enough. He felt eyes watching him. Ivan turned around to see Natalya standing there.

"I thought you were going to get some rest," she said. Ivan sighed and looked at his sister.

"I couldn't sleep," he answered shortly.

"You should at least put a shirt on then. It's cold out," Natalya advised.

"I don't care," Ivan mumbled. Ivan saw Natalya walk back inside and emerging with a coat. She walked up to him and draped the coat over his broad shoulders.

"You should come inside so you don't get sick," Natalya told him.

_So what if I get sick? Does it even matter anymore? _Ivan thought bitterly.

"Please?" Natalya pleaded.

"Go inside, Natalya. I'll be inside in a few minutes," Ivan said.

"Alright," Natalya sighed walking inside.

Ivan buried his face in his bandaged hands. His hand slipped into his hair and ran through the silver strands tiredly. There were only two of them now. Snow fell softly in the silence. Freezing wind continued to blow snow at the man. He felt his eyelids drooping slightly. He guessed it was probably a little after three in the morning. Ivan stood up and walked into the house. Natalya was asleep on the couch. Her arms were crossed over her chest in an attempt to keep herself warm. Ivan set his coat down and carefully lifted Natalya. Ivan carried his younger sister to her bedroom. He gently set Natalya down on her bed and pulled the covers up to her chin to keep her warm. Then he walked back to his room and laid down. His clock read 3:27am. Ivan sighed as he rolled over on the flat mattress. He closed his bloodshot violet eyes and finally fell into a restless sleep.

**I decided to do an Ivan POV of the story so far. Let me know what you think :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or anything of the sort**

Trade Mistakes 4

Natalya woke up in her bed the next morning.

_Ivan must have put me here_, she concluded, for she fell asleep on the couch in the front room. She sat up and put a pale hand to her forehead. Her silvery hair fell messily over her shoulders. She ran her thin fingers through it in an attempt to brush some of the knots out of it. After a few minutes her hair was unknotted. She fixed the bow on her head as best she could before standing up slowly. She slept last night, but she still felt tired. Her limbs felt as if they were made of lead. She remembered tossing and turning all night. She wondered how much sleep Ivan had got. Natalya walked aimlessly into the living room. She didn't know what to do. She just walked around. She noticed things were in her path but she couldn't register what they were. Her dulling blue-violet eyes didn't seem to be working properly. Her chest ached and her stomach felt empty. She wasn't hungry. There was just an empty feeling there.

_I wonder if I should wake up Ivan_, Natalya pondered as she strode into the kitchen, her feet willing her to walk wherever. She glanced at the clock. It read 7:12am. Natalya was in her senior year. She still had school. Ivan usually walked her to school around 8:00. She decided she would have to eat breakfast. Natalya walked over to a cabinet but froze before she opened it.

_I can't eat anything_, she thought _I'll throw up anything I try to eat_. So Natalya decided to skip breakfast. Instead, she went to her room to change into cleaner clothes. She pulled out the black skirt she had shared with Kat and her off white button up shirt. Natalya quickly changed and retied her boots. She fixed the bow on her head slightly before sitting down on her bed. She glanced at herself in a crooked mirror that hung haphazardly on the wall. Her face was terribly pale, with light brown circles forming under her eyes. She got up and walked into Ivan's room. Ivan slept on top of his threadbare blanket. Without a shirt and his scarf thrown around his neck. Their apartment didn't have heating so Natalya guessed Ivan was either really tired, didn't mind the cold, or just didn't care. She poked his bare shoulder softly.

"Ivan," she whispered. Ivan mumbled something and rolled over.

"Brother?" she said, nudging Ivan's arm again. This time, his violet eyes fluttered open. He sat up and shook his head, effectively shifting his silver hair out of his eyes.

"Natalya?" Ivan mumbled, staring at his younger sister.

"Ivan? Can you walk me to school?" Natalya asked cautiously.

"School?" Ivan asked, as if he didn't know what was going on. Ivan also had dark circles under his eyes, but his were more prominent than Natalya's for he slept even less the night before.

"Ды [1], school," Natalya confirmed.

"Oh. You have that?"

"_Yes_, Ivan, you always walk me to school!" Natalya said. She was starting to get a bit irritated.

"Oh!" Ivan said coming to his senses "School! That's right. Well get ready and I'll walk you there."

"I'm ready, Ivan," Natalya said after pulling her coat and gloves on.

"Alright," Ivan said emerging from his room, fully clothed with his own coat and gloves on, as well as his scarf.

"Let's go," he said as he grabbed his house keys from a small table by the door. Natalya nodded and stepped out into the snowy streets of December. The two walked to the high school in the freezing weather. After about ten minutes, the siblings reached the school. It was an old, plain, brown brick building that was falling apart slightly. Ivan told Natalya he would be at work and then he left. Natalya could walk herself to school; she would just rather have Ivan there. She felt safer with him beside her. She approached the doors of her school. She walked in and went to her locker. She hurriedly shoved her coat and gloves in the locker and pulled out a few books. She turned around an almost ran into one of her classmates. Sadiq Adnan. The Turk grinned widely at her and pointed to her clothes.

"I see you still have no money," he said casually "I'd think that the government would send you money for your sister's death, but I can see not." Natalya's fists clenched and her jaw squared.

"I guess because you can't afford life insurance, right?" he continued "But maybe its better Kat's gone then." Natalya threw her books on the ground and aimed her thin hands for Sadiq's neck. But before she could kill him, Heracles, another senior, stepped in.

"Piss off, Sadiq," he said darkly.

"Ahh, Heracles!" Sadiq greeted with false kindness "How are you, my Greek friend?"

"You heard me, piss off, bastard," Heracles repeated.

"Fine. I'll see you both in history," Sadiq said stalking off.

"Thanks," Natalya said as she bent down to pick up her books.

"Don't worry about it. I hate him anyway," Heracles said, helping Natalya pick up her fallen books.

"Yeah, me too," she said as she stood up again.

"Yeah," the Greek yawned "By the way, sorry about your sister. She really was a charming girl."

"I know." Heracles closed his chocolate eyes as he leaned against the lockers.

"Well, I'll see you later, Heracles," Natalya said running off to homeroom.

"See ya, Nat," Heracles called after her.

Natalya ran down the halls to her homeroom. When she got there, she immediately sat herself down in a chair and put her head down on her books.

"Psst, Natalya," a Hungarian voice prodded from the left. Natalya picked up her head and starred at the girl who poked her.

"What, Liz?" Natalya asked, a little too harshly than she intended.

"Just wanted to see how you were doing," Liz answered looking slightly hurt.

"Look, Liz," Natalya started, but Liz cut her off.

"It's fine. Don't worry about it," Liz said turning around again. Natalya silently cursed herself.

Why did she have to be so snappy? She sounded exactly like that Italian kid, Lovina. She was a few years behind Natalya, but she had the mouth of a sailor and the anger of a bull.

"I, like, can't wait until Christmas! Like, how 'bout you, Liet?" Feliks' obnoxiously loud voice cut into Natalya's thoughts. Why did _he_ have to sit behind her?

"It's only a few days from now, Feliks," Toris, or "Liet", replied. Feliks laughed and flipped his blonde hair out of his green eyes. Toris smiled at his Polish friend.

"What about you, Natalya?" Toris asked shyly. His blue eyes starred into Natalya's indigo ones. Everyone knew Toris loved Natalya. He went through a great deal of teasing because of it. Natalya didn't have many friends so people treated her distantly. When people found out Toris liked her, the only people who didn't tease him were Feliks, Eduard, Raivis, and Natalya.

"Not really," Natalya answered blandly.

" 'Not really'? Like, why not?" Feliks asked.

"Its personnel," Natalya said shortly.

"Ah I see," Toris said awkwardly. Before the teacher called for class to start. Natalya wasn't really paying attention. She starred out the window. She couldn't keep her eyes open much longer. She kind of wanted to go home, kind of wanted to see Ivan at work, and really just wanted to sleep. Natalya raised her hand and asked for a hall pass to the library. After getting a pink slip filled out, Natalya walked slowly to the library down the hall. She weaved through the rows of books until she got to a small table in the back of the room. The blonde set her books down and then sat in a chair. She folded her arms, and laid her head in the crook of her elbow. Natalya's eyes fluttered closed and she fell asleep.

_Natalya walked through the snowstorm. She was holding Ivan's hand one minute and the next, he was gone. She was walking around and calling his name. She called for Kat. Natalya wandered around aimlessly in the cold, the freezing wind whipping her bare face. She continued calling for her siblings. Until she looked down. Crimson blood stained the white snow. She stood amidst the red liquid. When she looked up she saw Kat mutilated as she was when she died. Natalya cried out at her lifeless sister. Ivan sat next to Kat, eyes stabbed out and throat and wrists slashed. Natalya collapsed and cried into her palms. Why? Why must she be tortured? _

_"What did I do!" Natalya screamed into the wind._

_"Natalya..." the wind whispered. _

_"Why! Why did you take them from me!" she continued._

_"Natalya..."_

_"Why! What did I do to deserve this hell!_

_"Natalya..."_

"Natalya..." Natalya jolted up. She was in the library. A worried Toris sat next to her.

"Natalya," he repeated "Are you okay? You were crying..."

"I was?" Natalya touched her face and felt the tear tracks running down her pale cheeks.

"Yeah. Here," Toris offered his friend a tissue.

"Дзякуй [2]," Natalya said accepting the tissue.

"Don't mention it," Toris said, blushing slightly. Natalya wiped her delicate face with the tissue. She crumpled it in her hand. Then she set it on top of her books.

"What were you dreaming about?" Toris prodded.

"N-nothing..." Natalya stuttered.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Toris asked.

"No. Kat was dead. And Ivan was dead, too..." Natalya felt tears prickle in her eyes. She couldn't cry. Not in front of Toris. That would be awkward.

"Oh... If it makes you feel any better, I know what it feels like to lose someone you're close to," Toris said.

"R-really?"

"Yeah. When I was young my mother died..." Toris sniffled.

"What happened?" Natalya asked.

"Well, my mother was home with me and I was only six," Toris began "and my father came home. I never saw my father. My parents were divorced. So he came home and he was dead-ass drunk. My mother told me to go upstairs and hide. My father tied my mother's hands behind her back and he ran to get me." Toris inhaled shakily.

"So he found me and dragged me by my hair down the stairs. He made me watch," the brunette hiccupped softly "he raped her and broke her neck."

"Oh. I didn't know that- that-" Natalya started.

"It's okay. So if you ever need to talk to someone, I'm here," Toris said standing up. Natalya stood up as well. She wrapped her arms around the Lithuanian's neck and pulled him into a hug. Toris froze before wrapping his hands around Natalya's waist as she cried into his shoulder. Toris traced soft circles on Natalya's back with his hand. Natalya picked her head up and wiped her teary eyes with the back of her hand.

"S-sorry," she apologized.

"It's fine. Do you want to go home?"

"Home?" Natalya repeated.

"Yeah. It's 8th period now," Toris elaborated.

"Oh... yeah, I have to get home. Ivan's either there or still working," Natalya said grabbing her books.

"I'll walk you home, if you want," Toris offered.

"I'd like that," Natalya said with a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. After getting Natalya's coat and gloves out of her locker and replacing them with her books, the two set off towards Natalya's apartment she shared with Ivan. Finally the duo reached the apartment building.

"Thanks, Toris," Natalya said.

"Anytime," Toris replied smiling. Natalya stepped up on her toes and planted a light kiss against the brunette's lips. When Natalya felt no response she quickly withdrew. Her cheeks burned bright red and she looked down shyly. Toris lifted her chin up and kissed the blonde. Natalya wrapped her arms around Toris's neck to deepen the kiss. Toris wrapped his own arms around Natalya's thin waist. After a minute they broke apart. Toris was beaming and Natalya was smiling shyly.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Toris said releasing Natalya.

"Yeah, bye," Natalya waved slightly. She sighed happily and let herself into the apartment building. She walked up to their apartment and leaned against the door while she took out her key. Surprisingly, the door was already open. Natalya walked inside and found Ivan sitting on the couch.

"Hello, Natalya," Ivan said.

"Hello, Ivan," she replied.

"You're home late, да?" Ivan said.

"Not that late," Natalya insisted hanging her coat on a hook.

"I would ask you why you are home so late, but I think I know the answer to that," Ivan said starring at his sister with violet eyes.

"What do you mean?" Natalya asked. _Don't say 'Toris'_.

"Well you seem to have been busy with a certain boy," Ivan said.

"W-what b-boy?" Natalya stammered.

"The one who was sucking on your face outside," Ivan answered shortly.

"He wasn't sucking on my face!"

"Right. He was merely giving you CPR," Ivan said "I didn't know you were seeing anybody."

"I'm not seeing him! I just- fell asleep in the library and he walked me home... That's all," Natalya explained.

"I hear nothing of kissing in that deal..." Ivan said quietly.

"Sorry, but when did it become your business of who I kiss?" Ivan's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"It's always been my business," he hissed.

"Okay," Natalya said. Getting in a fight with Ivan wasn't her top priority.

"But, nonetheless, I don't want you to see him anymore."

"Ivan-"

"Natalya. Нет [3]," Ivan said sternly.

"Yes, Brother," Natalya said gritting her teeth.

"Nat," Ivan sighed "I only want what's best for you, you know that."

"Yeah. I know." Natalya said quietly as she retreated to her room.

[1] Ды -Belorussian "Yes"

[2] Дзякуй -Belorussian "Thank you"

[3] Нет -Russian "No"

**Another chapter down guys :) I hope you all enjoyed this. I couldn't resist the Lithuania x Belarus! HATERS GONNA HATE! R & R ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello my lovely readers. I know I haven't updated in forever... Major writers block... but I've recently had new inspiration so this happened. I hope you all enjoy :) By the way, I still own nothing. (Yes this was my disclaimer)**

Natalya rubbed her blueish/violet eyes as sunlight splashed on her pale face.

_Oh I must have fallen_ _asleep,_ she thought looking around. She was lying face down on her bed and still fully clothed in the clothes she wore to school the day before. No only a few hours ago. She rolled over and sat up. She felt really tired. She didn't want to move. Every muscle in her body ached. Her body screamed with pain as she stood up slowly.

"Shit," she hissed under her breath.

Natalya shrugged it off as best she could and walked off to find Ivan.

"Brother?" she called as she entered the kitchen.

"Natalya. Glad to see you are awake," Ivan greeted from the kitchen table, avoiding Natalya's eyes.

"What time is it?" Natalya mumbled as she sat down at the table.

"Almost 7," Ivan answered taking a sip of coffee.

"Shit, I have to go to school soon," Natalya whispered.

"Mmm, yes you do," Ivan said, looking down. Natalya got up without eating anything and went to her room. She starred at herself in the dingy mirror for a minute. She yanked the silvery ribbon out of her hair and put it in again neatly. Then she changed her dress and pulled on her boots. She rubbed her eyes and glanced at herself again. She snorted softly at her reflection. Then, Natalya turned on her heel and walked out.

"Ready for school?" Ivan asked seeing her emerge from her room.

"Yes."

"Right. Then let's go," Ivan stood up and grabbed his coat off a hook. Natalya copied Ivan and took her own coat. The two walked out the door and set off to Natalya's school. The duo walked in silence to the school. When they arrived, Ivan gave Natalya a quick hug before leaving. Natalya didn't bother to return the hug. She just nodded when Ivan pulled away and left. She walked briskly into the school and headed for her locker.

"Hey Nat," Sadiq greeted as she passed him in the hallway.

"Sadiq..." Heracles warned from down the hall a bit. Nat walked faster to her locker, not wanting to hang around for the fight that would start between the Turk and the Greek. She arrived at her locker, took out the appropriate books and went to homeroom.

"Hey Natalya," Toris greeted as Natalya sat down in her seat.

"Hi Toris," she replied apathetically.

"Something wrong?" Toris asked.

"No. Everything's fine," Natalya said as the bell for first period rang. Natalya got up and flicked her silver hair over her shoulder and walked out of the room.

"Hey Natalya! Wait!" Toris called after her. Natalya continued to walk at the same speed, but the Lithuanian caught up to her.

"Hey," Toris said.

"Morning," Natalya greeted dryly.

"What's wrong?" Toris pried as they walked into a classroom.

"Ivan. Kat. I don't know," Natalya sighed taking her seat at a desk by the window.

"Oh I'm sorry," Toris apologized.

"It's alright. I mean, it's not, but hopefully it will be." As Natalya starred out the window, the intercom buzzed in the room.

"Natalya to the main office." Natalya sighed as she got up and walked to the office.

_What happened this time, Ivan?_ She thought to herself as she walked down the empty halls. When she got to the office, Ivan was sitting on a bench. He looked terrible. Absolutely awful. A man was with him, probably a co-worker. He had blonde hair and dark brown eyes.

"Hello I'm Tino. I work with Ivan. Are you his sister?" he asked with a heavy Finnish accent.

"Yes. Why is he here?" Natalya asked, not breaking her stare at her brother.

"He had a panic attack at work. Started screaming for someone named 'Katyusha'. Do you know who that is?"

"Our dead older sister," Nat said quietly sitting next to Ivan. He was starting to shake slightly.

"Oh. I'm sorry," Tino said quietly.

"Thank you."

"I'd take him to a doctor to make sure he's okay."

"I will, thanks." Natalya turned to her older brother.

"Ivan?" Ivan looked up slightly. His violet eyes were completely bloodshot. How did she not notice this before? It looked like he hadn't slept in weeks.

"Want to go home?" Natalya asked. Ivan nodded and Natalya stood up, causing Ivan to copy. She lead him to her classroom so she could collect her books. She walked in, pulling Ivan's hand and walking across the room.

"Natalya? Who is this? Where are you going?" her teacher, Mr. Beilschmidt asked.

"My older brother, Ivan. And we're going home," she said scooping up her books in her arms.

"Not without an excuse."

"He's sick. I have to take him to a doctor," Natalya insisted. Ivan stood there and looked slightly guilty, but he didn't speak.

"He doesn't look sick. Just really tired," the Germanic teacher observed.

"Natalya..." Ivan whispered tugging on Nat's sleeve.

"Hmm? What Ivan?"

"There are a lot of people here, да?" he stated quietly.

"Not that much, Ivan," Natalya answered. Ivan's eyes were wide with fear.

"There's so many people looking, Natalya..."

"It's okay, Ivan. Most of them are nice. You could talk to Toris. You know him. Somewhat," Natalya suggested as she continued to argue with the teacher. Eyes were on Ivan. He felt the staring. Scopophobia. Ivan's breathing became rapid and short. His gloved hands covered his face and his knees buckled slightly.

"Stop! STOP IT!" he screamed.

"Ivan!" Natalya tried to pull his hands from his face but ultimately failed.

"MAKE THEM STOP! PLEASE!" Ivan was almost in tears by now.

"Stop what?" Natalya asked as calmly as she could.

"Them! They're staring at me! Make them stop, please!"

"Ivan..."

"Please!"

"Let's go," Natalya dragged a sobbing Ivan from the classroom, down the hall, and out the front doors of the high school.

"Wow... Who else thought that was fucking hilarious!" Sadiq laughed from his seat in the classroom.

"Shut up, Sadiq! It's not like he could help it! He had a panic attack or something!" Toris said angrily.

"Seriously. Lay off you fucking Turk," Heracles jumped in, who had woken up just in time to watch the whole episode.

"Make me you damn Greek bastard!" Toris sighed to himself. Another fight between the Turk and the Greek. Just what everyone needed.

* * *

><p>"Fatal Familial Insomnia."<p>

"What?" Natalya asked the Belgian doctor.

"Yes. I'm afraid it is FFI," Bella sighed. Her hair bows swayed as she turned her head towards the clipboard in her hand.

"Normally it's passed by genetics, but we didn't find traces of it in Ivan's DNA," she said.

"Then how do you know?" Natalya asked.

"He shows all the symptoms. It starts out with lack of sleep, sudden fears, paranoia and panic attacks for about two months. Then there will be hallucinations and more panic attacks for three months. Then, extreme weight loss. And he'll go into an unresponsive state for another three months. After that, he'll die. I'm so sorry, but Ivan only has about eight months to live."

"Eight months? To live?" Natalya squeaked.

"I'm really really sorry," the doctor said.

"Is there any cure?"

"No. There hasn't been that many cases so scientists can't really study it. I'm sorry, again."

"Thank you." Natalya said walking out of the office and into a waiting room where Ivan sat, his violet eyes scanning the room fearfully as if a serial killer was going to burst in at any minute and blow a hole through his skull.

"Ivan?" Ivan's head snapped up, shaking some of his silvery hair into his eyes, hiding some of the redness in them.

"Time to go home," Natalya said taking a deep breath.

"Home?" Ivan asked innocently.

"Yes. Home."

"Okay," Ivan said standing up and taking Nat's hand. The two walked out of the doctor's office and headed home.

_Eight months? That's not nearly enough time for him..._

**Yay so this chapter's done. I'm shooting for at least 14 chapters. I'm going to do a "Month 1", "Month 2", "Month 3" so on and so forth. That will bring us up to 13 chapters for there will be 8 months. The last chapter will be when Natalya dies. THIS WAS NOT A SPOILER! For a full explanation, please read my other story "Born to die, die to live". That has more of a vague description of Natalya's death and what happened. This story will be more detailed. Now for story explanations. Finland is Tino, Ivan's co-worker. I am aware they are not fond of each other. Don't judge me. Haters gonna hate. Belgium is the doctor. Ivan has 8 months left to live. I'm sorry for all you Russian fangirls. I know what it's like because I'm one myself. Anyway, hopefully I won't wait so long for an update. So stay tuned. Until next time, my dearest readers. I love you all. R & R as always 3**


	6. Chapter 6

**Yay! Month one down! Disclaimer: I still own nothing!**

_Month: One_

Natalya took the leftover soup out of the beeping microwave for Ivan to eat. She really should be in school, but she had decided that Ivan was more important. She already lost one sibling. She wasn't going to let another one slip through her slender fingers, if she could help it. But, unfortunately, she couldn't prevent Ivan's death that would surely come. She sighed as she took the bowl out of the microwave and turned to see Ivan shaking in his seat. His hands, although covered with black gloves, were probably as white as his scarf; he was gripping the chair so hard. He was staring straight ahead, out a window. A third story window. Acrophobia.

"Ivan?" Natalya said hesitantly.

"Hmm?" Ivan's eyes snapped up to his sister standing next to him with a bowl of soup.

"Your soup," Natalya said putting the bowl in front of him. Ivan stared at the bowl of soup.

"This is soup?"

"Yes, it's soup. Now eat it. You look terrible," Natalya ordered taking a seat at the scratched up table.

"Mmmm no thanks," Ivan said pushing the soup away. Natalya pushed the soup back towards him.

"Eat," she commanded.

"But it could be poisoned," Ivan stated simply, pushing the bowl back towards Natalya.

"No one poisoned it. I promise. Now, please, eat something, brother," Natalya sighed pushing the bowl towards Ivan again. Ivan glared at the thick liquid and potatoes.

_Great_, Natalya thought, _The paranoia is starting to set in._ Ivan slowly picked up his spoon and dipped it into the soup. He raised it up and looked at the murky liquid on the utensil. Natalya watched as he brought the spoon to his lips and sipped the broth. A knock came at the door. Natalya stood up to get it, but Ivan jumped up and screamed.

"Ivan! It's okay!" Natalya yelled at Ivan.

"I'm going to die!" Ivan yelled before he started dry heaving. He threw a hand over his mouth and ran into the bathroom. He started vomiting into the toilet. Natalya knelt down next to him and rubbed circles in his back. There was knocking at the door again.

"I'll be right back, Ivan," Natalya said standing up. She half walked, half ran to the door. She pulled it open to see Toris there.

"Toris!" she exclaimed.

"Hey Nat. You left your gloves at school," Toris said holding out a small pair of gloves.

"Oh. Thank you, Toris," Natalya said taking the gloves and smiling slightly.

"Natalya..." Ivan moaned from the bathroom.

"Coming, brother!" she yelled in response. "Ivan. He... He hasn't got a lot of time left," Natalya explained to a confused Toris.

"What do you mean? Is he going to die?"

"In eight months, yes," Nat informed.

"Oh my god. I'm really sorry. If you need anything, call me," Toris offered.

"Natalyaaaa..."

"Thank you, Toris."

"Nat..."

"Anytime. I better get going. I hope things get better for you two," Toris said before pecking Natalya lightly on the cheek and turning to leave.

"Natalya!" Ivan still yelled from the bathroom. Natalya half ran back into the bathroom. Ivan was sitting on the bathroom floor next to the toilet, his silver hair obscuring his violet eyes. Some blood was dripping out of the corners of his lips.

"You okay, Ivan?" Natalya asked while grabbing a fistful of tissues.

"Нет," Ivan replied breathing shakily.

"I didn't think so," Natalya said as she dabbed the corners of Ivan's mouth. As she drew the wad of tissues away, Ivan saw a quick glimpse of the bloody tissues. Hemophobia. Ivan's breathes became more rigid as he pointed to the tissue in Natalya's hand.

"Oh this?" Natalya asked holding up the tissue. Ivan nodded rapidly.

"The blood! P-put it away!" Ivan said while shutting his eyes tight.

"Alright. See, Ivan? I threw it away." Natalya had dropped the stained tissue into the wastebasket in the corner.

"I hope you get better soon, brother."

Natalya woke up on the couch with her head resting in her palm, which was held up by her elbow on the armrest. It had been about a week since Ivan's "Blood episode" where he freaked out about seeing his blood on a tissue. Speaking of Ivan, his head was in Natalya's lap.

_Good. He's sleeping_, Natalya thought as she petted Ivan hair. Ivan's eyes opened slowly and stared up into his sister's.

"I didn't mean to wake you up," Natalya said as she stopped playing with Ivan's hair.

"I was never sleeping to begin with," Ivan replied smartly.

"You really should be sleeping, you know," Natalya commented.

"Да but that is easier said than done," Ivan said sitting up. He turned and got up off the couch. He calmly walked into the bathroom and promptly threw up anything and everything in his stomach. Natalya sighed as she heard Ivan dry heaving over the toilet. He had been throwing up nonstop for the past week. Fatal Familai Insomnia was one of the worst things that could have happened. Next to Kat dying. And this all happened within two months.

_It's amazing how two months can cause so much pain_, Natalya thought. She got up off the couch and walked into the kitchen to make something for Ivan to eat. She had started spreading butter on a piece of toast, when Ivan stumbled in, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. Natalya turned around, the knife still in her hand. Ivan's eyes flashed to the knife. Aichmophobia. Ivan shook as his eyes went wide at the sharp object.

"Just a knife, Ivan," Natalya said. She hated seeing her brother so sick that he feared every little thing. She quickly finished spreading the butter and put the knife in the sink to wash later.

"Sit," she ordered and Ivan took his seat at the table.

"Eat this," Natalya placed the plate in front of him.

"I don't want it," Ivan argued childishly.

"Eat it, Ivan. You can't get better if you don't eat. Or sleep for that matter," Natalya threatened.

"Natalya, I won't get better if I eat this fucking toast and you know it!" Ivan yelled "I'm not going to get better and I know I'm probably going to die in ten months anyway!"

"Eight."

"Huh?"

"Eight months," Natalya corrected, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Great. Fan-fucking-tastic," Ivan said standing up and storming off into his room.

"It's going to be a long week," Natalya sighed.

Another week passed, filled with more flip outs, tears, yelling, and panic attacks. A paranoid Ivan. A stressed Natalya. Not a good combination.

"Ivan! You have a doctor's appointment! Get your coat!" Natalya yelled from the doorway.

"I'm not going! I could get killed walking over there! I could freeze to death!" Ivan yelled from his bedroom.

"Goddamn paranoia," Natalya whispered under her breath "You're not going to die," Natalya promised "On the way there!" she added for good measure.

"How do you know?" Ivan called back quieter.

"I'll be there. Nothing will hurt you," Natalya said walking to his bedroom.

"I'm still not going," Ivan informed stubbornly.

"Ivan..." Natalya pleaded while leaning against the closed door of his room.

"Нет," Ivan replied. Natalya twisted the doorknob and walked in. She was shocked at the condition of the room. Windows were smashed. Furniture was broken and pieces were scattered across the floor. Bed sheets lay crumpled up in the far corner of the room. Anything and everything else lay on the floor. From papers, to clothes. And the cause sat on the bed under a blanket. Being the stubborn brother Natalya had, he didn't bother to move when Natalya walked in.

"Ivan! It looks like a nuke went off in here! You're cleaning this up when we get back!" Natalya said throwing his coat at him. Ivan flinched slightly under the blankets as the coat his where his back was.

"Ivan! Now!" Natalya yelled. Ivan finally caved and took the blanket off from over his head.

"Alright," he mumbled as he picked up the coat and poked his arms through the sleeves.

"Come on," Natalya said walking back out of the destroyed bedroom. Ivan followed slowly as he buttoned up his coat.

"I hate the doctors," he moaned as they walked into the cold wind.

It was the last week of the month. Almost seven months left. Natalya didn't want to keep track, but her sub-conscience just wouldn't let her forget. The doctor's appointment was a disaster. Ivan flipped out when he saw a security officer with a gun in his belt. Ivan's paranoia kicked in and... Let's just say they won't be visiting the doctor for a little while now. Natalya knelt up straight. She had been scrubbing the floors of Ivan's room. After picking up all the papers, sheets, clothes, and broken glass, she realized her hands had bleed onto the floor and stained it a dark crimson.

_Damn broken glass_, she thought as her bandaged hands scrubbed away at the dirty hardwood floor. It had been almost three hours and the room had only just begun to look normal again. Ivan "slept" on the couch in the living room. He just laid there and stared at the ceiling and tried to sleep, but failed at doing that. As long as he "slept", Natalya could work. Ivan refused to clean the mess himself, so that left only Natalya to work tirelessly at it. Natalya probably would have cleaned it anyway, so Ivan would avoid another panic attack. He had been normal all week, except the visit to the doctor, refusal of food and lack of sleep. Natalya wanted to hope he was getting better, but she knew that she would be holding onto a false hope that would shrivel up before she could make it a reality. She heard someone shift around in the living room. She quickly picked her head up and listened. She heard Ivan yawn and move on the couch. He yawned.

_Was he getting tired?_ Natalya hoped silently. But she soon discarded this thought as impossible. There was no way he could be sleeping. Sure enough, Ivan walked into his room, where Natalya was still kneeling on the floor.

"Can I make something to eat, mistress?" Ivan asked sarcastically.

"Yes, Ivan, go make something for yourself," Natalya dismissed him with a wave of her hand. He did a deep bow before leaving.

_Oh the sass that guy can get_, she thought as she smiled to herself as she continued to scrub the floors. After about an hour, she decided to get something to eat herself. She stood up, brushed herself off, and walked into the kitchen. She immediately noticed the absence of her older brother. Though she was starving, finding Ivan was her first priority. She checked all the rooms and all were empty.

"Ivan?" she called out. No answer. "Ivan!" Natalya ran out the door, down the stairs and out the front door. She looked up and down the street quickly. She thought about running down the street, but first decided to check the backyard. Sure enough, Ivan stood in the backyard, staring at the sky.

"Ivan!" Natalya called. Ivan turned around and saw his sister running towards him.

"Ivan! Don't scare me like that!" Natalya scolded.

"Sorry. It was nice outside so I came out," Ivan explained.

"It's still kind of cold out. Maybe we should go inside," Natalya suggested while hugging her arms.

"I'll stay out here a bit longer," Ivan said, still staring out into the clear blue sky.

"Alright." Natalya turned and walked into the apartment building through the back door. At the door she turned and took another look at her brother before leaving him in the backyard.

_Why can't he get better?_

**Aww so sad! I wish Ivan could get better but, alas, he can't :( I love all you readers so share the love and rate and review! Ich Liebe Dich Leser 3**


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